"What's wrong with your eye?". I cannot tell you how many times a stranger has asked me that question through out my life.
Due to my genetic condition (neurofibromatosis type 1), I have in short terms 2 tumors near eye/brain. One is located on my optic nerve (an optic glioma), which has caused my left eye to droop. For lack of a better explanation, I always look like I have a black eye (swollen and droopy). Because of this people have always singled me out to ask about my eye. My consistent answer is, "I was just born that way". Many times that was good enough for people to not push further but sometimes people did not seem to believe me. It continues to surprise me why perfect strangers continually pushed back. I would never point out a "deformity" someone may have and push for an answer about why they look a certain way. My mom always taught me that some people just don't have manners and don't think about others' feelings.
These interactions have helped me become more sympathetic to others and appreciative of the bravery and strength others have. You never know what others are going through so you should always treat others the way you want to be treated. That is why I try hard not to judge others by their outward appearance. That age old saying always rings true, "you can't judge a book by its' cover".
One particular situation stands out. I was in high school (around 15/16) and was going to a new dentist that had gone to high school with my dad (which adds a whole different element to this story that I can get into later). While cleaning my teeth the hygienist inquired about my eye. I answered as always that I was just born that way without getting into my actual condition. She pushed back for some reason (because apparently that's what you do with a middle schooler) and asked if I had gotten into a fight. I said "No" and she seemed skeptical and asked me some more questions about how long its been like that. Again I repeated since I was born. As an attorney I understand mandatory reporting and that if she believed that I was being abused she would need to report but I explained a bit more that, I had for lack of a better explanation of a brain tumor from a genetic condition called neurofibromatosis (from her facial expression she thought I made that up). Finally, she left and the doctor came in. He pushed me about it too. I was getting very frustrated because I had to deal my whole life with people looking at me or pointing out that my eye looked different and these people just kept pushing. It amazed me that people could not just understand that I obviously have a condition that causes me to look a bit different. These two were just a microcosm of what I have dealt with my whole life. People need to just mind their own business and not worry about how others look. Maybe worry how you look asking a complete stranger such a personal question.
On top of all this I get looked at constantly and judged because I am only 5'2. Again there is nothing I can do about this. People have become so obsessed with how others look that it has always messed with my confidence that people judge because of my height. On one hand women have never given me the time of day because I am shorter than a vast majority of them and for some reason our society has placed an importance on height. I will talk more about this later but I wrote a paper in law school detailing how short men are some of the most discriminated against in America. People just see a short person and immediately label them as not worthy or lesser.
Dealing with the judgement of others is again just having a mindset that others ideas and thoughts of you do not matter. The only thing that matters is how you treat others and that you believe in yourself. I was lucky to have a strong presence growing up (my mom) that taught me to not let others' opinions or shortcomings to drag me down. My faith in God also taught me to treat others how I want to be treated as we are all children of God. Yes many times it is not that easy to just shrug off the rudeness of others but if you believe in yourself and your strengths you be able to more easily tune out others. Remember it says more about others and the confidence they have theirselves rather than anything to do with you. You matter and no matter how you look or what others may perceive about the way you look, the only thing that truly matters is that you treat others fairly and with respect.